QUOTE BOOK

This is where I'm moving the quote book. If you don't go to school with me, many of these quotes won't be funny, or don't make sense at all. . . ha-ha

"This website ROCKS!!!"

--Me (when I needed something to start the page before I could copy any other quotes to it)

(me) "Don't touch me there, it makes me uncomfortable."

(Brianna Radtke) "Just relax. . ."

(She bumped my knee)

"AGH! I have a sunburn there, YOU JERK!"

--Jimmy (no matter where you hit him)

"If you don't like my DJ-ing: GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!"

--Jimmy (when i yelled at him for only listening to 2 seconds of every song on a CD)

"I can't agree with you, even if its not an argument, cuz that would still mean that you're right."

--Vince

"What? Light your pants on fire?"

--Scott (as he held a lighter to my pant leg)

"Mmmm. . . I think I'll keep it. . ."

--Mr. Halverson (as he sniffed a bottle of lotion he found on the floor)

"I know you two are in there; I can hear you breathing!"

--Mrs. Cederstrom (when she found us in the fort)

"Zach-Lance, please stop sniffing yourself!"

--Srta. Rahn (when I was sniffing myself. . . obviously)

"Mr. Roberts, pull your pants down. . .

. . . NO, I mean to your ankles!!!

NEVER MIND!"

--Mr. Herrmann (when I had my pant legs pulled up to look like short-shorts. . . he meant pull the pant legs down. . . that was funny)

"If I could poop music, that's what would come out!"

--me (about a song in choir, I hated it.)

"Git dat outcho teef!"

--Alex Williams (in a motherly tone telling Jimmy to remove a piece of string from his teeth)

(Scott) "TO THE BATMOBILE!!!"

(me) "What Batmobile??? You drive a Chevy!"

[in a very loud "whisper"]

"Histry. . . no, I'm in HISTRY. . . HISSSSTREEEE!"

--Jimmy (trying to be secretive about his cell phone in class)

(me) "I dont get it, if the roof is on fire, why are we celebrating?"

(Jimmy) "Maybe it was a bad roof."

"Oh no! Mrs. K is coming, we only have five minutes to run away!"

--Ben

(Mr. J) "Yeah. . . [The notes are] a pretty big section."

(me) "No, YOU'RE A PRETTY BIG SECTION!!!"

"Hey, Ms. Olson, any specific kind of bushes?"

--Travis P. (he randomly came into the class room in the middle of a discussion when he asked)

(Jim) "You think I can die from blowing my nose too hard"?

(Ms. Olson) "We could only hope."

"At this point, NOBODY CARES ABOUT WINNIE THE POOH!"

--Mr. J (angry because we were debating over Pooh's wardrobe)

"VINCE! You drive like a cowboy!!!"

--me (I meant to say "maniac" but got distracted by the radio)

"Well, Vince, I'm sorry that you couldn't get into the movie TWO AND A HALF HOURS AFTER it started!"

--Alex M.

"It's like he's Peter Pan and he's chasing the ship on the star, but the real Peter Pan is in the back like 'PISS OFF SCOTT!', ya know?"

--Alex W.

"Don't quote me on this. . ."

--Mr. J.

"It's not a Wavebird! It's a Logitech Wireless Controller!"

--Alex M.

(Manda) "Does anybody here have a sharpie?"

(Me, thinking I was a hero) "Yeah, I've got one in my locker."

(Manda, in a retard voice) "Well is your locker here?"

"Okay, if it's so cold in Alaska that nothing can grow, then how do they farm???"

--Matt W.

"Cops make me nervous when they're following me. I like to play Lose the Cop."

--Scott

"It's. . . grape! Mmmm. . . I'll keep that one for later."

--Mr. Heiraas (He could smell the marker he was writing with)

"I've been to Washington. . . D.C., that is. I humped a buffalo there at the naval academy."

--Jimmy

"Dude, your aunt is CRAZY!!!"

--some kid I overheard in the hall

"No one hires me. . ."

--Nick R. (with a bit of a sad tone in his voice.)

"Is there another problem from this assignment that we should do?... now that I've sufficiently scared you..."

--Mr. Heiraas

(Mr Heiraas) "How big is the earth?"

(Darren) "All the way around."

"Thats a good answer, anybody else? PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN!!! That's the ONLY answer!"

--Mr. Heiraas

"Roberts, sometimes I wish you were just a woman."

--A Dub

"You should stop juicing yourself."

--Helen

(Alex M, just waking up in class after a discussion about a certain county) "Oh, was there something about Turkey that I missd?"

(Mr. Herrmann, appearing furious) "Yes... its delicious when basted and roasted."

"Do you see where the answer is? Why, its up here, written on my head. Can't you see it? Look! Oh wait... Mr. Heiraas, its not written on your head! Oh gee, its right here on the paper... well, if only I had looked, I would have seen '5x-10' right THERE!!! ON THE PAPER!!!"

--Mr. Heiraas

"Who was it?... White people?"

--my dad... who is white...

"You know, Sifu Heinburger, who's dojo was behind Wienerschnitzel."

--my mom (meaning "Do you remember our friend, the marshal arts master, who's studio was behind our favorite fast food restaurant.")

"Like a quarrel reef?"

--Nick R.

"You better up your effort... or you'll never up your F."

--Mr. Heiraas (he refused to continue class until I wrote this in the quote book)

(Jeff) "Ohhh, my back!"

(Nick R.) "Ohhh, my life!"

"Dont squish my fur..."

--Manda (collar on her coat... sicko)

"A mix disc? So... its like a mix-tape on CD?"

--Scott

"I'm just pullin' stuff outta my butt."

--Bri

"I'm brillianter than you."

--Teddy

(Mr. Heiraas) "Okay, bye Sally."

(Courtney) "Isn't her name Melissa?"

(Artman) "No, its Ashley."

"Do NOT snap at me, I'm NOT a waitress!"

--A Dub

"So put THAT in your book and read it!"

--Ms. O

"I want my hair to look like... swirl pudding..."

--Josh A.

(A Dub) "Just for fun, I ate a whole large pizza by myself."

(me) "Like... recreationally?"

(A Dub) "NO! Through my MOUTH, sicko!"

"Doncha wanna Fanta... dude, that commercial makes you wanna get up and dance..."

--Nick R

"Its just a certain funk that you cant replicate."

--Jeff (in reference to old person smell)

(Me) "I have a special guest in my locker, you'd never guess who it is..."

(Manda) "BOB SAGET???"

"Where is Jesus??"

--Chris

"I think you deserve a stab."

--Ashley P.

(Ms O, asking a question for an English quiz) "Why was the man drunk?"

(Jeff) "He drank too much."

(Mrs K) "Monica, you really need to find something else to do. Something OTHER than socializing!"

(Marissa) "OOOH! Monica, you can look at my planner!"

(Mrs K) "MARISSA!!! Nobody asked YOU!!!"

"But what does her body look like underneath the clothes? I mean, put a bag over her head and it would look like she had a pretty nice head too."

--Chris

(Jeff) "I HATE that old bat."

(Nick) "You only saw her twice."

(Jeff) "Yeah, well she pissed me off both times!"

"Pick a fight with him! Quick, text him back & call him a fag, then start slamming energy drinks till he gets here."

--Chris B.

(Jeff) "You probably wouldnt survive being punched by anybody wearing a Super Bowl ring."

(me) "Well, it depends. What position does he play?"

(Jeff) "Does it matter??? They ALL get paid to lift weights and be agressive!"

"I dont have any pets... but I do have a husband."

--Mrs Zeitler

(Mr Herrmann) "I like Chinese food."

(Alex M.) "You sayin' you hate the people?"

(Helen) "Do I have anything better to do than talk?"

(Jessie) "Yeah... shut up."

(Jeff, in deep thought) "Everything is weird to somebody..."

(Chris B, as surprised as all of us) "Whoa... that wasn't more of the usual crap that just plops out."

(Ms O) "No more talking until all of those are handed in."

(Jeff) "What about peeps? Can we peep?"

(Mr. Heiraas) "The movie was good, but there were some parts from the book that they could have cut out."

(Joern) "Like the six hundred pages between the covers?"

"Any day that you dont have a chalk line around your body is a good day..."

--Mr. Erpenbach

"Where's my dead horse picture?"

--Mrs Schramm

(Mr. Heiraas) "These problems are called trinomial squares."

(Dammann) "Like Hollywood Squares?"

(Mrs Schramm) "Whats something you can buy at target?"

(Jake) "DISH TOWELS!"

"If theres ONE thing I teach you this year... its dont trust me."

--Mr J

"Ok, here's how you get the REAL answer... take your calculators... and throw them VERY hard against the wall... and then try the problem again."

--Mr Heiraas

(Me) "Whats that sound?"

(Mr Landkamer) "Oh, thats the air pump for the dead fish."

(Abby) "He's dead??"

(Landkamer) "Well... He's been up in that corner for quite a while now..."

(Abby) "Can I have my pen back?"

(Me) "Why do you need both??? Why do you hoard???"

(Abby) "They're MINE!"

(me) "Im singin my heart out to you... wont you ever notice me?"

(Eric) "Dude... duh"

"HEY! No karate in school!"

--Nick

(me) "Do you know the muffin man?"

(Jörn) "Spencer?"

"I bet his eye hurts... He'll probably have to get a corrective lens..."

--Abby (about a cyclops who had a spear in his eye)

"Can you imagine what its like to just... blow up?"

--Wroge

(Jörn) "Mr. Heirras, what does it say on number four, whats the word?"

(Mr. Heiraas) "IF!"

"You cant march without a permit? Cant you say youre just walkin?"
--Wroge

"Stop saying mean things to me and laughing about it."
--Crystale

"You know whats sad? I saw a girl with two fingers on each hand and she still had better handwriting than I do."

--Millerbernd

(Mrs Schramm) "If they went to Paris to sign a treaty, then what country did they go to?"

(Beau) "London"

(Mr Heiraas) "These are complex problems, so I'm... uncomplexing it."

(Me) "Thats not a word."

(Mr Heiraas) "SHUT UP! It is too a word."

(Corey) "You have directions in your pocket"

(Abby) "So, Vincent, dont change your pants!"

"Bros before notes man!"

--Nick

"I dont like doin that. Then the little squiggly green line comes up and I know my grammar's bad. 'Fragment: consider revising' ITS GOOD ENOUGH!"

--Wroge

"Whoa.... Joe looks like an angel right now..... Wait, I mean cuz he has a thing around his head like on Touched by an Angel"

--Vince

[me at Vinces Grad party] "You should just get a cardboard cutout of yourself.”
[Vince] "At least it would smile more than I do..."

"My mom spent hours shredding chicken..... it was made with love.... and Velvita"

--Vince

[Nicole Condon] "I have a lot of cousins. You probably run into them all the time."

[Mr. Heiraas] "I would in my car, if I ever saw one."

[Mr. Heiraas] "Getting old isnt a bad thing. I'm getting closer to my final destination."

[Dietel] "A handicapped parkin' spot?"

"Think the president ever wears sweatpants?"
--Wroge

[Mrs. Schramm] "SENIORS!!! You are acting like freshmen!"

[Wroge] "That means we have four more years left of high school!!!"

[whole class] "WOOOOO!!!"

"Tapeworms are funny."

--Chris Richardson

"First Ukrainian Evangelical Baptist Church"

... Its a church... it actually exists. Ridiculous.

(my dad) "Thats a really fun mall."

(me) "Is it full of zombies?"

(my dad) "Um. No. Well... Iowans, if they count."

"Do whales sneeze??"

--me (seriously do they?)

"What color are that??"

--me

(my mom)"I put salt on my sour cream before I eat it."

(me) "Well I put snooty on my fancy before I flaunt it."

"Oh no! The man on the moon is gonna eat those trees!"

--Elder Lineback

"Pedestrians... are VERY unpredictable"

--Bike safety video

(Elder Lineback) "Is this that place where you can order anything?"

(me) "Well... not exactly ANYTHING."

(Elder Lineback) "Well duh, I mean, I'm not gonna order like, a rat and some cheeseburgers."

Quotes ROCK